I have not posted anything in a few weeks for a variety of reasons. Mainly because talking about a positive pregnancy test on an infertility blog seems like incredably bad luck. But I have to get this out today or I am going to go crazy and the ladies at FF are tired of hearing about it.
Two weeks ago, July 12, I got a positive home pregnancy test. Yes, we are "that couple". The dr confirmed it, and we were over the moon. And then I promptly started spotting. It has not been bad yet, mostly just brown spotting, but I feel like we are going to lose this one to.
And the thought that keeps going through my head is not "I will be devasted to lose this child", instead it is "I can not go through IF for 2 more years". I fear that by getting pregnant while waiting for our IUI, we will be bumped back to the end of the list and have to try for another year before we even get a chance to get pregnant again. And I can not do that. I can handle another miscarriage, although it will be terribly hard, but I can not handle IF anymore.
So we have our ultrasound tomorrow to see if there is a heartbeat. We should be about 7 weeks. The cramps started today and the spotting returned. We are praying for this to just be a cervix issue, but I am not certain it will be. Our last baby died at about 7 weeks, and a huge part of me wonders if history will repeat itself. Until then, we wait.
My motto so far has been to enjoy being pregnant for as long as it lasts, but right now I cant see a future with this baby past tomorrow.